clearly i sucked at that whole 30 day picture challenge...i'm over it haha.
i don't have the time to keep up with it, or the motivation!!!!
another note, when to the dr. the other day...& have lost 10 more pounds..HECK YES! i'm so pumped about this, i'm only 8 more pounds away to being the same weight i was in about 7th grade....and only 18 more pounds until i'm at my goal! & i hope to reach this goal SOON!!!! i'm so ready to just be there already!
like i said, short blog. now it's time to study my life away for the evening for my last final tomorrow :) :)
butttt, look forward to another blog coming up soon, with big plans, and things that have been going on lately with me, and also my family :)
<3
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Day 4
a picture of something your scared of...
I know, most people are scared of spiders, or snakes, or something normal i guess....i guess it's normal to be scared of tornadoes....but literally i'm deathly afraid....everytime there is a huge thurderstorm I immeditally get the worst stomach ache. & if the tornadoe sirens go off...i start to cry...EMBARASSING i know. I'm 19 and STILL cry whenever the sirens go off....Just the thought that something could take everything in an instant...is a scary thing....I watched the movie Twister when i was like 7 & ever since then....wooh i've been terrified..i'm always scared one is going to hit the house and suck my family up :/ < how sad...lol it's just my train of thought and what i'm most scared of.
I know, most people are scared of spiders, or snakes, or something normal i guess....i guess it's normal to be scared of tornadoes....but literally i'm deathly afraid....everytime there is a huge thurderstorm I immeditally get the worst stomach ache. & if the tornadoe sirens go off...i start to cry...EMBARASSING i know. I'm 19 and STILL cry whenever the sirens go off....Just the thought that something could take everything in an instant...is a scary thing....I watched the movie Twister when i was like 7 & ever since then....wooh i've been terrified..i'm always scared one is going to hit the house and suck my family up :/ < how sad...lol it's just my train of thought and what i'm most scared of.
Day 3
A picture of your favorite memory this year....
SO HARD TO PICK ONE! but i must say that this picture is probably one of my favorite memories of the year. I love these girls, and that week at camp was probably one of the best ever. i loved it. & i couldn't of asked for a better group of girls in my cabin. & even though it's been 5 months since camp, i still keep in touch with them. They may not know this, but this group of girls right there....changed my life.
love them <3
SO HARD TO PICK ONE! but i must say that this picture is probably one of my favorite memories of the year. I love these girls, and that week at camp was probably one of the best ever. i loved it. & i couldn't of asked for a better group of girls in my cabin. & even though it's been 5 months since camp, i still keep in touch with them. They may not know this, but this group of girls right there....changed my life.
love them <3
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Day 2
A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest & what they mean to you.
Well, that man in the picture above, is Josh :) I first met him in the 4th grade at church, & since then we have been best friends. I feel like he knows everything about me, good and bad. He knows every impercetion about me, but still loves me anyways. & that to me, is what a true friend is. I feared once we graduated high school that him and i would drift apart. Because lets face it. We can all tell people we are going to stay in touch after high school. But people start going different directions in their life and you just lose touch. It's a part of life. So i was scared that it was going to happen with Josh & I. But honestly i feel like since we graduated high school, we have gotten so much closer. & i couldn't be more thankful for that. He is my best friend, and i dont know where i would be with out him :)
Well, that man in the picture above, is Josh :) I first met him in the 4th grade at church, & since then we have been best friends. I feel like he knows everything about me, good and bad. He knows every impercetion about me, but still loves me anyways. & that to me, is what a true friend is. I feared once we graduated high school that him and i would drift apart. Because lets face it. We can all tell people we are going to stay in touch after high school. But people start going different directions in their life and you just lose touch. It's a part of life. So i was scared that it was going to happen with Josh & I. But honestly i feel like since we graduated high school, we have gotten so much closer. & i couldn't be more thankful for that. He is my best friend, and i dont know where i would be with out him :)
Monday, November 29, 2010
Day 1.
So, a bunch of people on facebook are doing this thing called the 30 day picture challenge, but i don't really want to do it on facebook. So i decided to do it on here instead to give me something to blog about for 30 days i guess :) even though i'm pretty sure i'll miss days because either i'll forget or i just dont have time to do it. But hey. it sounds fun i guess. But for 30 days this website gives me a certian type of picture to post and write about. For example. today it's a recent picture of myself..with 10 facts about myself. So thats what i will be doing. Like i said, idk if i'll actually keep up with it. But it's worth a shot :) & others can learn about me in the middle of it as well. So here it goes.
DAY 1:
FACTS:
1. I'm 19 going on 30.
2. In other words, i feel older than what i really am.
3. I have no idea what i want to do with the rest of my life.
4. I'm a twin :) & i wouldn't change that for the world.
5. I've never been so heart broken as i am right now
6. But i know God has better plans for me.
7. I HATE wearing socks.
8. i love to sleep!
9. I miss going to a "real" college.
10. I love my family :)
sure lame facts...but it's harder than it looks. lol But there we go!
day 1...COMPLETE :)
DAY 1:
FACTS:
1. I'm 19 going on 30.
2. In other words, i feel older than what i really am.
3. I have no idea what i want to do with the rest of my life.
4. I'm a twin :) & i wouldn't change that for the world.
5. I've never been so heart broken as i am right now
6. But i know God has better plans for me.
7. I HATE wearing socks.
8. i love to sleep!
9. I miss going to a "real" college.
10. I love my family :)
sure lame facts...but it's harder than it looks. lol But there we go!
day 1...COMPLETE :)
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
so this is what rockbottom feels like?
Obviously by the title of this blog, you can tell that i'm not at a good spot in my life. And as much as i would love to say something like "But i'm keeping my head up and moving forward" i cant...because i honestly feel like i don't have the strength to keep my head up, or keep moving forward. I'm taking it one day at a time. This is a feeling i've seriously never felt before. & it honestly scares me to death.
I've never been the type of girl to question my faith, I've always 100% had faith in God, and looked to him in the rough times of my life. But lately, i've been having doubt after doubt. First off, with recent decisons i've made (very poor decisions) I don't feel like i'm good enough to have God's love. I feel disgusted with nobody but myself. I don't deserve to have God i guess i should say, i don't feel like i'm living up to the life he wants for me. I feel like i've done nothing but disappoint him. Also, i've just been question a lot of things about him. and what he is doing for me. I feel like i pray and i pray for things and different situations to get better. I (used to) pray continiously, and read my bible daily, but i sit here and question, if God isn't going to help me out, or show me improvement, then why should i spend my time with him? I know...selfish and rude and awful thoughts to have right? Go ahead judge me, tell me i'm dumb for thinking this. because yes i know i am..but it's just simply how i feel at the moment. like i said i'm at rockbottom.
I know a lot of you who know me, know that i'm always happy, always full of energy and i always have a smile on my face. Right now, i'm the total opposite. I don't even want to see people because i don't want them to see me the way that i am. It's not good, and i'm not happy about it, but i don't know how to change it. Even though i want SO BADLY to be my old self again, i know she is in there somewhere. But the feelings of guilt, and anger have fully taken over my body. and i feel trapped. Thankfully, I went to a new doctor the other day, and she was just asking me basic questions...about different things with my body, and just my life in general. She mentioned that i needed to get some testings done so i needed to get my blood drawn. & she also talked to me about maybe getting on an anti-depressant, and she also referred me to a therapist. a lady who had never met me, could tell that there was something wrong. i guess all's i wanted was someone else to realize i NEEDED help!!! & i'm not saying this to get a sympathy vote, i'm simply saying this because i need all the help i can get.
I had my first therapy appointment this past Tuesday, and I actually enjoyed it. It's nice to get stuff that you have had built up inside for so long to just be let out knowing that it won't be shared to anyone else, and that you won't be judged for the things you have done. But, my therapist even said that i have a long road of recovery a head of me...I don't really know what anyone else can do to help me, and i know that my faith is strugging right now, but i still believe in the power of prayer...and i can use all the prayers i can get right now. I'm ready to get my old self back and be up on my feet again, and i know my friends and family are also ready to see that.
Thats all for now. i feel like i've typed a novel! haha : )
I've never been the type of girl to question my faith, I've always 100% had faith in God, and looked to him in the rough times of my life. But lately, i've been having doubt after doubt. First off, with recent decisons i've made (very poor decisions) I don't feel like i'm good enough to have God's love. I feel disgusted with nobody but myself. I don't deserve to have God i guess i should say, i don't feel like i'm living up to the life he wants for me. I feel like i've done nothing but disappoint him. Also, i've just been question a lot of things about him. and what he is doing for me. I feel like i pray and i pray for things and different situations to get better. I (used to) pray continiously, and read my bible daily, but i sit here and question, if God isn't going to help me out, or show me improvement, then why should i spend my time with him? I know...selfish and rude and awful thoughts to have right? Go ahead judge me, tell me i'm dumb for thinking this. because yes i know i am..but it's just simply how i feel at the moment. like i said i'm at rockbottom.
I know a lot of you who know me, know that i'm always happy, always full of energy and i always have a smile on my face. Right now, i'm the total opposite. I don't even want to see people because i don't want them to see me the way that i am. It's not good, and i'm not happy about it, but i don't know how to change it. Even though i want SO BADLY to be my old self again, i know she is in there somewhere. But the feelings of guilt, and anger have fully taken over my body. and i feel trapped. Thankfully, I went to a new doctor the other day, and she was just asking me basic questions...about different things with my body, and just my life in general. She mentioned that i needed to get some testings done so i needed to get my blood drawn. & she also talked to me about maybe getting on an anti-depressant, and she also referred me to a therapist. a lady who had never met me, could tell that there was something wrong. i guess all's i wanted was someone else to realize i NEEDED help!!! & i'm not saying this to get a sympathy vote, i'm simply saying this because i need all the help i can get.
I had my first therapy appointment this past Tuesday, and I actually enjoyed it. It's nice to get stuff that you have had built up inside for so long to just be let out knowing that it won't be shared to anyone else, and that you won't be judged for the things you have done. But, my therapist even said that i have a long road of recovery a head of me...I don't really know what anyone else can do to help me, and i know that my faith is strugging right now, but i still believe in the power of prayer...and i can use all the prayers i can get right now. I'm ready to get my old self back and be up on my feet again, and i know my friends and family are also ready to see that.
Thats all for now. i feel like i've typed a novel! haha : )
Saturday, October 2, 2010
I'm tired of giving everything i've got.
Okay, so for warning, I don't want this blog to sound..idk the word i'm looking for at the moment...immature? i guess..idk i guess what i dont want it to sound like is that i'm boy crazy, or something i guess. So please don take this blog the wrong way.
So first off..i know i'm young. and i just need to be patient. alteast thats what everyone is telling me. But for those who really do know me, know that i'm probably the most impatient person on the planet. So waiting for something pretty much kills me. and drives me crazy.
So anyways; if it isn't obvious yet, i yet again got my heart broken. Which is obviously nothing new to me, seems to happen pretty often.but thats life. Unfortunately, this break-up probably hurt me more than anyone i've had, for many different reasons. But as always with a break-up, there is a lot of anger that follows...well atleast for me anyways. so i guess this blog is just going to be about the anger i have, and not just with the guy who just broke my heart...but for pretty much any guy who has, or will, or any guy who has done the same thing these other guys have.
One important thing for me to find in a guy, is someone who has a strong relationship with Christ. Being a christian is probably one of the most, if not the most important thing on my list. I want a guy who challenges me in my walk, but also is there to help me along. Someone who is confident in is relationship with Christ as well, one who will pray with me, and read the bible with me, or have talks about what God is doing in his life, and is willing to listen and support me in what God is doing in my life as well. I have never not dated a christian man. They have all been christians. But, in a way i feel like it is a good and bad thing. (please don't take that the wrong way) But, i feel like every guy like that also either hides behind guy, or using it as an excuse. I've been dumped about 3 times now over an issue dealing with their relationship with Christ. It's always either a. "I don't have a relationship with christ,and i need to focus on that" or b." I need to figure out where God is leading me, and what he wants to do with my life". Which i honestly respect that...don't get me wrong and i don't want to sound like a (excuse my language) Bitch when it comes to me stating that because it isn't my intention at all...but this is how i feel when it comes to both of those reasonings. First off, if your relationship with christ is struggling, or you need to figure out where God is leading you, it doesn't mean Drop the girl you are with. Just gonna throw that out there.....First of, i feel that in a relationship YOUR SUPPOSED TO WORK ON THINGS TOGETHER! it's a team effort, if your dating a girl who also has a relationshp with christ, it may be better to turn to her and have her pray with you, or help you out. you don't just drop her and say sorry....i mean if you strongly believe that God doesnt think you should be with the girl you are with, then by all means break up with her i guess....but don't do it within the first idk 2days of working on your relationship with Christ.....
i have a lot of anger built up with this one issue, and i feeel like i'm just blabbing and not making any sense. So there may or may not be a second part to this blog. & idk who actually reads my blog. But if anyone has input. Please feel free to share : )
<3
So first off..i know i'm young. and i just need to be patient. alteast thats what everyone is telling me. But for those who really do know me, know that i'm probably the most impatient person on the planet. So waiting for something pretty much kills me. and drives me crazy.
So anyways; if it isn't obvious yet, i yet again got my heart broken. Which is obviously nothing new to me, seems to happen pretty often.but thats life. Unfortunately, this break-up probably hurt me more than anyone i've had, for many different reasons. But as always with a break-up, there is a lot of anger that follows...well atleast for me anyways. so i guess this blog is just going to be about the anger i have, and not just with the guy who just broke my heart...but for pretty much any guy who has, or will, or any guy who has done the same thing these other guys have.
One important thing for me to find in a guy, is someone who has a strong relationship with Christ. Being a christian is probably one of the most, if not the most important thing on my list. I want a guy who challenges me in my walk, but also is there to help me along. Someone who is confident in is relationship with Christ as well, one who will pray with me, and read the bible with me, or have talks about what God is doing in his life, and is willing to listen and support me in what God is doing in my life as well. I have never not dated a christian man. They have all been christians. But, in a way i feel like it is a good and bad thing. (please don't take that the wrong way) But, i feel like every guy like that also either hides behind guy, or using it as an excuse. I've been dumped about 3 times now over an issue dealing with their relationship with Christ. It's always either a. "I don't have a relationship with christ,and i need to focus on that" or b." I need to figure out where God is leading me, and what he wants to do with my life". Which i honestly respect that...don't get me wrong and i don't want to sound like a (excuse my language) Bitch when it comes to me stating that because it isn't my intention at all...but this is how i feel when it comes to both of those reasonings. First off, if your relationship with christ is struggling, or you need to figure out where God is leading you, it doesn't mean Drop the girl you are with. Just gonna throw that out there.....First of, i feel that in a relationship YOUR SUPPOSED TO WORK ON THINGS TOGETHER! it's a team effort, if your dating a girl who also has a relationshp with christ, it may be better to turn to her and have her pray with you, or help you out. you don't just drop her and say sorry....i mean if you strongly believe that God doesnt think you should be with the girl you are with, then by all means break up with her i guess....but don't do it within the first idk 2days of working on your relationship with Christ.....
i have a lot of anger built up with this one issue, and i feeel like i'm just blabbing and not making any sense. So there may or may not be a second part to this blog. & idk who actually reads my blog. But if anyone has input. Please feel free to share : )
<3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
