To be quite blunt, i have almost ALWAYS hated my body. I can't even begin to think of a time where i have actually been content with the way I look. Which honestly is very frustrating. I wake up every morning and I just point out all the negative things that I wish i could change. And then it just obviously makes me feel awful about myself, and doesn't motivate me to do anything. Which is my problem. I finally reached my breaking point and had a complete meltdown to my mom, which made me feel like a little kid again lol. But it honestly felt good to just let all my frustration and anger. It was a simple thing that set me off. I was trying to find something to wear to go to a wedding. It seemed like everything i tried on made me look fat, or i would find something i didn't like about it. I had thrown all my clothes out of my drawers and there were clothes EVERYWHERE. I honesetly think i tried on every piece of clothing i owned. And finally my mom walked in and asked if i was ready...And then the meltdown came. I have only talked to a few people about the negaitve feelings I have towards myself. But lately i just have kept it all bottled up inside. And that day it all came out. And i felt like somethiing just clicked and told me I needed to make some permanent lifestyle changes. First off I needed to be able to stand in front of a full mirror again, and pick out positive things instead of negative. God made me the way I am for a reason, i am beautiful inside and out, even if i may not be able to see it. I know I am. I am made in God's image, and I need to be happy with that. Secondly, i have started to eat healthier and workout...which is something i have needed to do for a while now. It's been easier for me to do this when i'm not at home. I am housesitting a lot this summer. I grocery shop for myself sometimes (depending on who i'm housesitting) & i try to buy all healthy things. Whereas when i'm at home it's not as easy, yes my parents do buy healthy things, but I live with 3 other boys who eat the crap out of everything. So by the time i'm actually hungry and want to eat...it's all gone..ha. But anyways. I also started going to Zumba, which i am IN LOVE with!! it's fun and you get a workout, that is 3 times a week, and the days that i'm not going to Zumba i am doing my own workout. And it amazes me how much better i feel about myself while doing this. I feel good about myself, i feel more energized and it's just a good feeling to have. and i love it. I'm ready to make this change! i feel like i need to make this change, for myself. It's a challenge and i know it's going to get tough at times, but i believe in myself and i know i can do it!!! losing 40 pounds is my goal. so far i've lost 3...it may seem like a small amount..but hey it's a start and those 3 pounds are now off my body. and i'm happy:) i'll keep an update every once in a while....
thats all :)
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
God is at it again!! : )
it's been a long time since i have blogged...i don't have wifi at my house and our home computer is verrrrry slow and i hate using it. so i never do. But I'm house/dog sitting this week and thankfully they have wifi..so now I'm going to blog : )
It's so amazing how God works. & lately, i just feel like God has been working in my heart like crazy! i have realized so many things in the past few weeks. I never thought a radio station could basically change my life. I have been listening to a station called KLOVE. Its a christian station, and i never really heard of it until I was driving home from school one day and was looking for a good radio station to listen to. & it stopped on KLOVE. & ever since then i don't think i have listened to any other station. It's soooooo good! & i absolutely love listening to it. It honestly helps me get through my day, no matter what kind of day I'm having. I've been in a big slump lately-struggling with so many different things. & they are things that are WAY out of my control. But i can't stand the thought of feeling like I'm not in control. & i felt like my life was going downhill at a fast speed. But every time i get in my car and listen to KLOVE I'm reminded that God is in control. & if i put my faith in him, he will get me through the hard times. Also, people call in all the time and share their stories about how God has been working in them. A few Weeks ago i heard a story about a woman named Shay Kelly who started a project called "project 50/50. She is in the process of traveling to 50 states in 50 weeks and is collecting non-perishable items for the homeless. She starts with the states capital and then goes to surrounding cities...If you wanna read more about it, go to www.ShayKelly.com < it's truly inspiring! & hearing that made me so overwhelmed by God. I want to do something big with my life. Something that doesn't help me, but it helps others. I wanna spread the love of Jesus Christ throughout the world. I WANNA MAKE A DIFFERENCE!! & I'm sooo determined! I have always had a place in my heart for Haiti, My freshman year of high school, i felt like God was calling me to be a missionary in Haiti, and meeting with different missionaries from Haiti at the Camp i worked for last summer (Rainbow Christian Camp) made me feel like God is truly calling me to do something in Haiti, it may not be becoming a full time missionary, but i know I'm meant to do something there & help make a difference. Listening and reading to what Shay is doing made me realize that i could do something like that. I would love to do what she is doing, only instead of collecting non-perishable items, i would love to collect peanut butter. Peanut Butter? < i know why would i collect peanut butter....well I believe with every tablespoon (not sure on the measurement) but something like that) of peanut butter a child in Haiti is nourished. That is one of the main problems in Haiti, is malnourishment. & something as simple as peanut butter can help bring them out of that. I just can't even imagine how much peanut butter i could collect within a year and how many children it will help! I'm so determined to do something like this it's unreal. it literally brings tears to my eyes when i think about this. God is working guys. & it feels INCREDIBLE!!!! I just need prayer and support- I WANNA DO THIS! i just don't even know where to begin. It will take a lot of work, but it's totally worth it in the end. That's all for now : )
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.--Jeremiah 29:11
It's so amazing how God works. & lately, i just feel like God has been working in my heart like crazy! i have realized so many things in the past few weeks. I never thought a radio station could basically change my life. I have been listening to a station called KLOVE. Its a christian station, and i never really heard of it until I was driving home from school one day and was looking for a good radio station to listen to. & it stopped on KLOVE. & ever since then i don't think i have listened to any other station. It's soooooo good! & i absolutely love listening to it. It honestly helps me get through my day, no matter what kind of day I'm having. I've been in a big slump lately-struggling with so many different things. & they are things that are WAY out of my control. But i can't stand the thought of feeling like I'm not in control. & i felt like my life was going downhill at a fast speed. But every time i get in my car and listen to KLOVE I'm reminded that God is in control. & if i put my faith in him, he will get me through the hard times. Also, people call in all the time and share their stories about how God has been working in them. A few Weeks ago i heard a story about a woman named Shay Kelly who started a project called "project 50/50. She is in the process of traveling to 50 states in 50 weeks and is collecting non-perishable items for the homeless. She starts with the states capital and then goes to surrounding cities...If you wanna read more about it, go to www.ShayKelly.com < it's truly inspiring! & hearing that made me so overwhelmed by God. I want to do something big with my life. Something that doesn't help me, but it helps others. I wanna spread the love of Jesus Christ throughout the world. I WANNA MAKE A DIFFERENCE!! & I'm sooo determined! I have always had a place in my heart for Haiti, My freshman year of high school, i felt like God was calling me to be a missionary in Haiti, and meeting with different missionaries from Haiti at the Camp i worked for last summer (Rainbow Christian Camp) made me feel like God is truly calling me to do something in Haiti, it may not be becoming a full time missionary, but i know I'm meant to do something there & help make a difference. Listening and reading to what Shay is doing made me realize that i could do something like that. I would love to do what she is doing, only instead of collecting non-perishable items, i would love to collect peanut butter. Peanut Butter? < i know why would i collect peanut butter....well I believe with every tablespoon (not sure on the measurement) but something like that) of peanut butter a child in Haiti is nourished. That is one of the main problems in Haiti, is malnourishment. & something as simple as peanut butter can help bring them out of that. I just can't even imagine how much peanut butter i could collect within a year and how many children it will help! I'm so determined to do something like this it's unreal. it literally brings tears to my eyes when i think about this. God is working guys. & it feels INCREDIBLE!!!! I just need prayer and support- I WANNA DO THIS! i just don't even know where to begin. It will take a lot of work, but it's totally worth it in the end. That's all for now : )
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.--Jeremiah 29:11
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
song that is like the story of how i'm feeling lately.
oh heartbreak is such a sucky thing! lol especially when every song you hear reminds you of that person..
Colbie Caillat: I Never Told you
I miss those blue eyes
How you kissed me at night
I miss the way we see
Like there's no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe
But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
About you
I can't believe I still want you
After all the things we've
Been through
I miss everything about you
Without you
I see your blue eyes
Every time I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to when I'm not
Around you
It's like I'm gone with me
But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
About you
I can't believe I still want
You
After all the things we've
Been through
I miss everything about you
Without you
But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
About you
(still you're gone)
Can't believe that I still want
You
After all the things we've
Been through
I miss everything about you
Without you
took the words right out of my mouth! lol
<3
Colbie Caillat: I Never Told you
I miss those blue eyes
How you kissed me at night
I miss the way we see
Like there's no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe
But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
About you
I can't believe I still want you
After all the things we've
Been through
I miss everything about you
Without you
I see your blue eyes
Every time I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to when I'm not
Around you
It's like I'm gone with me
But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
About you
I can't believe I still want
You
After all the things we've
Been through
I miss everything about you
Without you
But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
About you
(still you're gone)
Can't believe that I still want
You
After all the things we've
Been through
I miss everything about you
Without you
took the words right out of my mouth! lol
<3
Sunday, May 9, 2010
walls..
it seems like these day's my walls are just getting stronger and stronger.& it's getting harder and harder for me to knock them down.& i'm starting to cut myself off from people. Pushing people away because i don't want to get hurt. I just don't feel like i can handle it anymore. I don't want to push people away. But i feel like thats the only thing I can do. I'm feel like i'm losing contact with a lot of people. People who i've gained good friendships with. & idk i feel like i'm in some sort of depression state, even though i'm really happy! I'm always happy. I hate that i'm doing this. & i've realized it. I just don't know how to fix it. Or gain trust for some of the people who i've been talking to a lot. Why is it so hard for me break these darn walls down? It's a problem i've been struggling with for months now. I need advice? maybe? i don't know. eh. it's whatever, i'll get over it. I just need to start over.
Finals week has finally approached.someone shoot me. So much studying! So much packing. & WAY TO MANY goodbyes....
This week has also made me realize that things can happen when you least expect it. Thursday morning i got a text from max telling me that he has been involved in a bad accident. (yes i know not the greastest of ways to be told)An old man who was about 80 and probably shoudln't of been driving in the first place, ran a stop sign and ran right into max. I was heart broken.Everyone who knows me knows that max and I are extremely close, i mean hello he is my twin. So immeditaly i freaked out. He was crying, I was crying, Mom was crying. It was just a hard thing to have to hear that someone you love and car about just got in an accident. Thankfully he was okay. He had to get x-rays just to make sure nothing was broken or anything like that. An thank the good Lord he was fine. The police officers said that if the driver had hit just a little further over closer to max then he would of been seriously injured, or maybe even dead. It's hard to think that he was so close to being close to a bad injury..or even worse being dead. I can't even imagine. God was definatly with him that day.
You can't really see how bad it is in this picture...but his back windshield got knocked out as well..and max was actually traveling the opposite way..The guy hit him so hard he spun around and was facing the opposite direction of what he was going.
anyways;
thats all for now
<3
Finals week has finally approached.someone shoot me. So much studying! So much packing. & WAY TO MANY goodbyes....
This week has also made me realize that things can happen when you least expect it. Thursday morning i got a text from max telling me that he has been involved in a bad accident. (yes i know not the greastest of ways to be told)An old man who was about 80 and probably shoudln't of been driving in the first place, ran a stop sign and ran right into max. I was heart broken.Everyone who knows me knows that max and I are extremely close, i mean hello he is my twin. So immeditaly i freaked out. He was crying, I was crying, Mom was crying. It was just a hard thing to have to hear that someone you love and car about just got in an accident. Thankfully he was okay. He had to get x-rays just to make sure nothing was broken or anything like that. An thank the good Lord he was fine. The police officers said that if the driver had hit just a little further over closer to max then he would of been seriously injured, or maybe even dead. It's hard to think that he was so close to being close to a bad injury..or even worse being dead. I can't even imagine. God was definatly with him that day.
You can't really see how bad it is in this picture...but his back windshield got knocked out as well..and max was actually traveling the opposite way..The guy hit him so hard he spun around and was facing the opposite direction of what he was going.
anyways;
thats all for now
<3
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
it's been a while.
I haven't blogged in a LONG time! wow, sorry..lol a lot has happened since my last blog so let me explain what all has gone on in a nutshell...
So i finally got to visit Johnson!!! i loved it. i loved seeing old friends that i hadn't seen in a long time, and meeting new people. I had an absolute blast!I could see myself going to school there....Unfortunately, even though i feel like that may be the school for me. I need to be brought back to reality. I feel like i would be dumb if i didn't go to a school in Indiana, i mean a full ride scholarship to any public school in the state..why wouldn't i throw that all away? As much as i want a christian environment, i have to realize in the long run what going to a Private Christan school would actually do...PUT ME IN SERIOUS DEBT! which is something I'm already in, just from going to Huntington for a year..i really don't want to keep adding to that price. Also, after driving there and back it made me realize how far away it actually is from home. I don't know if i can be that far away from my family and friends....I know i'll get homesick..and i know that's something i need to learn to get over...but i don't know if i will be able to handle it. Also, not alot of my credits will transfer over :/ i don't want this whole year to go to waste and not have credits transfer, i've worked too hard for them to not even count :/
UGH DECISION'S!! what i'm thinking right now is i'm just going to go to IVY tech for a year, figure out what it is I really want to do with my life, and give me some time to figure out what school i want to go to. And really seek out what God's plan is for me. I would appreciate prayer from anyone who reads this....It's not an easy situation to be in. & it's very stressful.
School is SLOWLY coming to a close! i'm ready for summer! I'm ready for those late nights out, bonfires, smoking cigars on Ben's porch :) and late night drives. This is the first summer where i'm actually going to be spending at home, without having much to do. I'm not really looking forward to the nothing to do part. But Freshman-Senior year of high school my summers consisted of 9am-5pm practices..and by the time i got home i was exhausted!! & this summer after my senior year i work at Rainbow Christian Camp :) which I loved!! & wish i could work there again this summer, but I'm taking classes over the summer, so i can't :/ but seriously this is my first Summer to just relax..idk if i'm going to like it or not...but it should be fun. I'm just ready for it to be here already!!
One thing that is really starting to aggravate me, is people who seem to take life for granite(idk if i spelled that right) these days. I don't understand why people think that their life is a living hell basically. Constant complaining, and talking about how bad things are. I understand that people have it rough, and i totally understand that some situations are tough to deal with. But when it become and everyday occurrence where you just complain about all the bad stuff, it sometimes gets frustrating. People don't realize how good of a life they actually have. I mean at least you have a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and food on the table. There are so many people in this world who aren't as lucky as we are to have simple things like that.I hope this doesn't make me sound like a bad person, i mean if someone has a problem i'm more than happy to help them with it, i don't mean to come off as a "bitch" or anything. I mean sometimes you just have to vent and complain. I do it, and i know others do to. It just aggravates me when people can't stay positive about situations that aren't really that big of a deal. Wow i feel like this paragraph is one big confusion. I hope you all can understand the point i'm trying to make here.
Anyways;
this blog entry is getting long, so i'm going to just leave it at that :)
So i finally got to visit Johnson!!! i loved it. i loved seeing old friends that i hadn't seen in a long time, and meeting new people. I had an absolute blast!I could see myself going to school there....Unfortunately, even though i feel like that may be the school for me. I need to be brought back to reality. I feel like i would be dumb if i didn't go to a school in Indiana, i mean a full ride scholarship to any public school in the state..why wouldn't i throw that all away? As much as i want a christian environment, i have to realize in the long run what going to a Private Christan school would actually do...PUT ME IN SERIOUS DEBT! which is something I'm already in, just from going to Huntington for a year..i really don't want to keep adding to that price. Also, after driving there and back it made me realize how far away it actually is from home. I don't know if i can be that far away from my family and friends....I know i'll get homesick..and i know that's something i need to learn to get over...but i don't know if i will be able to handle it. Also, not alot of my credits will transfer over :/ i don't want this whole year to go to waste and not have credits transfer, i've worked too hard for them to not even count :/
UGH DECISION'S!! what i'm thinking right now is i'm just going to go to IVY tech for a year, figure out what it is I really want to do with my life, and give me some time to figure out what school i want to go to. And really seek out what God's plan is for me. I would appreciate prayer from anyone who reads this....It's not an easy situation to be in. & it's very stressful.
School is SLOWLY coming to a close! i'm ready for summer! I'm ready for those late nights out, bonfires, smoking cigars on Ben's porch :) and late night drives. This is the first summer where i'm actually going to be spending at home, without having much to do. I'm not really looking forward to the nothing to do part. But Freshman-Senior year of high school my summers consisted of 9am-5pm practices..and by the time i got home i was exhausted!! & this summer after my senior year i work at Rainbow Christian Camp :) which I loved!! & wish i could work there again this summer, but I'm taking classes over the summer, so i can't :/ but seriously this is my first Summer to just relax..idk if i'm going to like it or not...but it should be fun. I'm just ready for it to be here already!!
One thing that is really starting to aggravate me, is people who seem to take life for granite(idk if i spelled that right) these days. I don't understand why people think that their life is a living hell basically. Constant complaining, and talking about how bad things are. I understand that people have it rough, and i totally understand that some situations are tough to deal with. But when it become and everyday occurrence where you just complain about all the bad stuff, it sometimes gets frustrating. People don't realize how good of a life they actually have. I mean at least you have a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and food on the table. There are so many people in this world who aren't as lucky as we are to have simple things like that.I hope this doesn't make me sound like a bad person, i mean if someone has a problem i'm more than happy to help them with it, i don't mean to come off as a "bitch" or anything. I mean sometimes you just have to vent and complain. I do it, and i know others do to. It just aggravates me when people can't stay positive about situations that aren't really that big of a deal. Wow i feel like this paragraph is one big confusion. I hope you all can understand the point i'm trying to make here.
Anyways;
this blog entry is getting long, so i'm going to just leave it at that :)
Friday, April 9, 2010
Hardy Basement!
I LOVE MY HARDY BASEBMENT GIRLS!!!
This picture above me makes me smile :)
but also has made me sad. I've been trying not to think about how saying goodbye to everyone at the end of the year is going to be hard. But the other night we threw a birthday party for Kaitlyn and Lauren, and all of us girls were just in there laughing and having such a good time. But after it was all over i sat in my room, and realized just how much i'm going to miss having these kinds of nights. These girls are all wonderful. & it's finally hitting me that maybe i'm not ready to say goodbye....only 4 weeks left.
the 2 girls that i haven't gotten really close with on the basement floor is Noelle and Kaitlyn :) These girls are my rock! I love them to death. We get crazy! & i can actually be my true self around them. and they won't judge me, they will just laugh! & it makes me happy! lol
see i told you, we get crazy! lol
Saying goodbye to these 2 is probably going to be the most difficult goodbye. They have been so wonderful. And have both become more like sisters to me. And i'm so thankful that God has blessed me with them. Even though i have to say goodbye, there is no doubt in my mind that i won't see these girls again. We are too close to not get together again in the near future!! I love you Noelle and Kaitlyn! Thank you for everything!
Anyways;
A week from today i will be visiting Johnson! Pray for me guys! i need it. I'm feeling so overwhelmed and stressed on what i need to do. It's kind of a big decision. And i've been stressing myself out about it for almost a month now. And it's kind of aggivating. I'm just trying to stay strong. But that is getting more and more difficult as well, i'm just ready for this all the be over and done with!!
anyways;
thats all for now
goodnight :)
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Confusions
I feel like so many people these day's have lost sense in direction in life, and where they are supposed to go. They are so lost in finding themself. It really does just break my heart. Because it's happening to the people i care most about. I just wish there was something i could do to help them find their way. It kills me to see people struggle so much in finding out where they need to go from here. Or where God is calling them. I know God has a way of totally rocking people's worlds. An sometimes it's hard to get back up on your feet. I just pray that these people turn to God for guidance, and they don't turn their back on him. Because as i have realized i can only do so much. I can only talk to them so many times, and give them only so much adive. There comes a time when they have to realize that sometimes God is the only one who can help them get through the rough times, and if you turn your back on him, your going to be even more lost. & I've realized that all I can do is just pray. Pray that God will lead them. & pray that they will listen to his calling.
I was over at Max's house today, and he was using my computer to burn a CD. & one song that he put on there was a song off of Thousand Foot Krutches newest album. An the song is called Wish You Well....When he played that song it just kind of blew my mind...and kind of helped me realize things. So here are the lyrics..and i hope you guys listen to the song as well;
Sometimes love, feels like pain, and sometimes I wonder if it's all the same, sometimes life, feels just like rain, cause you never know, when it's gonna
fall down on you
I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself
Sometimes faith, feels like doubt, and sometimes I wonder if we'll even get out, sometimes life hurts just like now, but ya gotta know, it's all gonna
come back around
I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself
find yourself,
I can't help you find yourself,
find yourself..
and we were sixteen at the time, nothing could ever change our minds, we were one step below invincible, and we always fought it, you've never been the
same, you were so scared to make a name, then you threw it all away, and i wish you'd come back now.
I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself, I wish you well,
I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find you
I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself
find yourself,
I can't help you find yourself,
find yourself,
I can't help you find yourself...
Anyways;
Whenever there is a time in your life where you have to make a big decison. The advice that almost everyone will give you is, "Do what makes YOU happy" or "Do what YOU want to do" "It's YOUR life, it's YOUR decison" I feel like i'm at a crossroad. I want to do what makes me happy. But I want everyone to support me. One thing i hate to do is upset people. My delima for the past couple of months have been what school to go to next year. & what I WANT is to go to Johnson. I've made that pretty clear in some of my past post's. Thats where i feel like i need to be. And i feel like that is the direction that God is calling me. But of course the Big issue is always Money. it's ALWAYS money money money! Huntingotn like i have said in the past is expensive, Johnson cuts the price in half. SO Johnson is definately a better choice money wise. But I will still have quite a bit of student loans. Which is not good. If I were to go to a public school i would totally be paid for. No student loans to worry about. I don't want to go to a public school. To be honest it scares me to death. I'm so much more comfortable in the christian environment. It's a big decison i have to make. Go for what i'm comfortable with, and what I WANT to do. Or go in the direction that others want me to take because it will be better financially? & push me to step out of my comfort zone? I just don't know. & it's stressful! VERY stressful!
thats all for now
Butler's playing!!! : )
I was over at Max's house today, and he was using my computer to burn a CD. & one song that he put on there was a song off of Thousand Foot Krutches newest album. An the song is called Wish You Well....When he played that song it just kind of blew my mind...and kind of helped me realize things. So here are the lyrics..and i hope you guys listen to the song as well;
Sometimes love, feels like pain, and sometimes I wonder if it's all the same, sometimes life, feels just like rain, cause you never know, when it's gonna
fall down on you
I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself
Sometimes faith, feels like doubt, and sometimes I wonder if we'll even get out, sometimes life hurts just like now, but ya gotta know, it's all gonna
come back around
I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself
find yourself,
I can't help you find yourself,
find yourself..
and we were sixteen at the time, nothing could ever change our minds, we were one step below invincible, and we always fought it, you've never been the
same, you were so scared to make a name, then you threw it all away, and i wish you'd come back now.
I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself, I wish you well,
I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find you
I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself
find yourself,
I can't help you find yourself,
find yourself,
I can't help you find yourself...
Anyways;
Whenever there is a time in your life where you have to make a big decison. The advice that almost everyone will give you is, "Do what makes YOU happy" or "Do what YOU want to do" "It's YOUR life, it's YOUR decison" I feel like i'm at a crossroad. I want to do what makes me happy. But I want everyone to support me. One thing i hate to do is upset people. My delima for the past couple of months have been what school to go to next year. & what I WANT is to go to Johnson. I've made that pretty clear in some of my past post's. Thats where i feel like i need to be. And i feel like that is the direction that God is calling me. But of course the Big issue is always Money. it's ALWAYS money money money! Huntingotn like i have said in the past is expensive, Johnson cuts the price in half. SO Johnson is definately a better choice money wise. But I will still have quite a bit of student loans. Which is not good. If I were to go to a public school i would totally be paid for. No student loans to worry about. I don't want to go to a public school. To be honest it scares me to death. I'm so much more comfortable in the christian environment. It's a big decison i have to make. Go for what i'm comfortable with, and what I WANT to do. Or go in the direction that others want me to take because it will be better financially? & push me to step out of my comfort zone? I just don't know. & it's stressful! VERY stressful!
thats all for now
Butler's playing!!! : )
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