it's time to make some changes!

To be quite blunt, i have almost ALWAYS hated my body. I can't even begin to think of a time where i have actually been content with the way I look. Which honestly is very frustrating. I wake up every morning and I just point out all the negative things that I wish i could change. And then it just obviously makes me feel awful about myself, and doesn't motivate me to do anything. Which is my problem. I finally reached my breaking point and had a complete meltdown to my mom, which made me feel like a little kid again lol. But it honestly felt good to just let all my frustration and anger. It was a simple thing that set me off. I was trying to find something to wear to go to a wedding. It seemed like everything i tried on made me look fat, or i would find something i didn't like about it. I had thrown all my clothes out of my drawers and there were clothes EVERYWHERE. I honesetly think i tried on every piece of clothing i owned. And finally my mom walked in and asked if i was ready...And then the meltdown came. I have only talked to a few people about the negaitve feelings I have towards myself. But lately i just have kept it all bottled up inside. And that day it all came out. And i felt like somethiing just clicked and told me I needed to make some permanent lifestyle changes. First off I needed to be able to stand in front of a full mirror again, and pick out positive things instead of negative. God made me the way I am for a reason, i am beautiful inside and out, even if i may not be able to see it. I know I am. I am made in God's image, and I need to be happy with that. Secondly, i have started to eat healthier and workout...which is something i have needed to do for a while now. It's been easier for me to do this when i'm not at home. I am housesitting a lot this summer. I grocery shop for myself sometimes (depending on who i'm housesitting) & i try to buy all healthy things. Whereas when i'm at home it's not as easy, yes my parents do buy healthy things, but I live with 3 other boys who eat the crap out of everything. So by the time i'm actually hungry and want to eat...it's all gone..ha. But anyways. I also started going to Zumba, which i am IN LOVE with!! it's fun and you get a workout, that is 3 times a week, and the days that i'm not going to Zumba i am doing my own workout. And it amazes me how much better i feel about myself while doing this. I feel good about myself, i feel more energized and it's just a good feeling to have. and i love it. I'm ready to make this change! i feel like i need to make this change, for myself. It's a challenge and i know it's going to get tough at times, but i believe in myself and i know i can do it!!! losing 40 pounds is my goal. so far i've lost 3...it may seem like a small amount..but hey it's a start and those 3 pounds are now off my body. and i'm happy:) i'll keep an update every once in a while....

thats all :)