Well, it's been a few weeks of all kinds of emotions!!! some good, some not so good.
First off, lets just talk about my dad for a minute. If anyone has been having a past couple of weeks it has been him. He went to the dr. and they drained i believe 90 ccs out of his knee of nasty fluid build up. An they said that he needed to go to Physical Therapy. & if that didn't work then he needed to seriously consider knee replacements. So he has gone to physical theraphy twice already, and i've never seen him so sore!! & he is thinking about getting the knee replacement. Also, on top of that. He lost his job. A job that he was absolutly IN LOVE with! I can't go into deatail as to why. But this is heartbreaking for everyone in our family. & it also causes some HUGE problems for us financially. So idk who all reads my blog, but prayers for my dad finding another job soon would be GREATLY appreciated!!
Secondly, earlier this week, i made the decision to not return back to Huntionton University in the fall. It wasn't an easy decison. But it's a decison i felt like i needed to make. So i have a meeting with Ivy Tech next monday to get all signed up for classes. I'm going for nursing and i will have my degree in 2 years. which is good for me because i'm so ready to be done with school and have a career and move on with the rest of my life!!! So thats where i'm at right now with life. & i'm excited to see what God has in store for me.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Forgiveness
God has really been tugging at my heart these past couple of weeks. In good ways and in some difficult ways i guess you could say. I guess the main thing that has been going on is asking for forgiveness. I was sitting at Lance's house the other night waiting for him to get home. & he had KLOVE radio station playing, and i don't remember what the song was called, but it was about asking for forgiveness, and being forgiven and it just really hit me. There are a lot of people that i need to ask for forgiveness. & in a big way. I realize that lately I have hurt a handful of people. With some of the things i have either said or done, or not done. & even though i had a good reason for doing what i was doing. I realize that in their eyes it probably wasn't a good reason. So this week, i took a step...a very difficult step...and confronted these people. Which those of you who know me, know that confronting people is a HUGE issue I have, so this was definately not an easy thing for me to do.
In doing this, i have had some people forgive me, and we are now moving on an gaining friendships back. There has been some who won't even acknowledge the fact that i have tried to apologize, which has been difficult. But I keep telling myself that God has a reason for everything. & he has his own timing. And i need to learn to accept that and move on with life.
One thing that i don't understand though, is how you can be friends..best friends with someone for such a long time. & never be mad at the person, and they have never been mad at you. Then you do one thing wrong, and it's like you did the worst thing possible, when in reality it was a little thing that you did wrong. But the other person will literally ruin a friendship over that.
Reality is so hard to get a grip on sometime. I feel like i have done what i needed to do, i've asked for forgiveness. I've been apologized to as well, It's all in Gods hands now. He knows who is going to stay in my life, and by my side. So it's all in his hands and i HAVE to trust his judgment.
Thats all of my venting for now :)
In doing this, i have had some people forgive me, and we are now moving on an gaining friendships back. There has been some who won't even acknowledge the fact that i have tried to apologize, which has been difficult. But I keep telling myself that God has a reason for everything. & he has his own timing. And i need to learn to accept that and move on with life.
One thing that i don't understand though, is how you can be friends..best friends with someone for such a long time. & never be mad at the person, and they have never been mad at you. Then you do one thing wrong, and it's like you did the worst thing possible, when in reality it was a little thing that you did wrong. But the other person will literally ruin a friendship over that.
Reality is so hard to get a grip on sometime. I feel like i have done what i needed to do, i've asked for forgiveness. I've been apologized to as well, It's all in Gods hands now. He knows who is going to stay in my life, and by my side. So it's all in his hands and i HAVE to trust his judgment.
Thats all of my venting for now :)
Thursday, July 22, 2010
i haven't blogged in such a long time i feel like. So whats up with me?
well, i'm 10 pounds lighter :) so that makes me feel great! even though i look in the mirror and can't see it, people around me have noticed..and it makes me feel great!
I recently got back from a week of camp. I usually go to Rainbow Christian Camp. But my best friend asked me to be a councelor at a Camp Challenge. I honestly did not rknow what to expect. But let me tell you, that week of camp was probably one of the best weeks of my life. It was absolutly amazing! I was nervous because i had never been a councelor before. & i was nervous about how the girls in my cabin would be. I was nervous about how i would handle situations that would arise with the girls in my cabin such as homesickness and girl drama, stuff like that. I had been praying for weeks about this week of camp and that it would go well. & let me tell you God blessed me with the most AMAZING girls in my cabin. I loved every single one of them and grew close to them. We were all unseperable by the end of day 1. and througout the week it only got better, and we grew so close! And the most amazing thing was that all of the girls except for 2 live in ANDERSON! & the 2 that don't live very close. We are already planning a sleepover and girls day and i love it! being away from these girls has definately been a challege, because i miss them so much! But i love that we can all stay in touch. God worked in everyones life throughout that week, and it was awesome to feel his presence. I miss camp and wish i could put that week on replay!
It's 2:15 in the morning. and i'm finally starting to feel tired. So that is all for now :)
Love<3
well, i'm 10 pounds lighter :) so that makes me feel great! even though i look in the mirror and can't see it, people around me have noticed..and it makes me feel great!
I recently got back from a week of camp. I usually go to Rainbow Christian Camp. But my best friend asked me to be a councelor at a Camp Challenge. I honestly did not rknow what to expect. But let me tell you, that week of camp was probably one of the best weeks of my life. It was absolutly amazing! I was nervous because i had never been a councelor before. & i was nervous about how the girls in my cabin would be. I was nervous about how i would handle situations that would arise with the girls in my cabin such as homesickness and girl drama, stuff like that. I had been praying for weeks about this week of camp and that it would go well. & let me tell you God blessed me with the most AMAZING girls in my cabin. I loved every single one of them and grew close to them. We were all unseperable by the end of day 1. and througout the week it only got better, and we grew so close! And the most amazing thing was that all of the girls except for 2 live in ANDERSON! & the 2 that don't live very close. We are already planning a sleepover and girls day and i love it! being away from these girls has definately been a challege, because i miss them so much! But i love that we can all stay in touch. God worked in everyones life throughout that week, and it was awesome to feel his presence. I miss camp and wish i could put that week on replay!
It's 2:15 in the morning. and i'm finally starting to feel tired. So that is all for now :)
Love<3
Saturday, June 26, 2010
it's time to make some changes!
To be quite blunt, i have almost ALWAYS hated my body. I can't even begin to think of a time where i have actually been content with the way I look. Which honestly is very frustrating. I wake up every morning and I just point out all the negative things that I wish i could change. And then it just obviously makes me feel awful about myself, and doesn't motivate me to do anything. Which is my problem. I finally reached my breaking point and had a complete meltdown to my mom, which made me feel like a little kid again lol. But it honestly felt good to just let all my frustration and anger. It was a simple thing that set me off. I was trying to find something to wear to go to a wedding. It seemed like everything i tried on made me look fat, or i would find something i didn't like about it. I had thrown all my clothes out of my drawers and there were clothes EVERYWHERE. I honesetly think i tried on every piece of clothing i owned. And finally my mom walked in and asked if i was ready...And then the meltdown came. I have only talked to a few people about the negaitve feelings I have towards myself. But lately i just have kept it all bottled up inside. And that day it all came out. And i felt like somethiing just clicked and told me I needed to make some permanent lifestyle changes. First off I needed to be able to stand in front of a full mirror again, and pick out positive things instead of negative. God made me the way I am for a reason, i am beautiful inside and out, even if i may not be able to see it. I know I am. I am made in God's image, and I need to be happy with that. Secondly, i have started to eat healthier and workout...which is something i have needed to do for a while now. It's been easier for me to do this when i'm not at home. I am housesitting a lot this summer. I grocery shop for myself sometimes (depending on who i'm housesitting) & i try to buy all healthy things. Whereas when i'm at home it's not as easy, yes my parents do buy healthy things, but I live with 3 other boys who eat the crap out of everything. So by the time i'm actually hungry and want to eat...it's all gone..ha. But anyways. I also started going to Zumba, which i am IN LOVE with!! it's fun and you get a workout, that is 3 times a week, and the days that i'm not going to Zumba i am doing my own workout. And it amazes me how much better i feel about myself while doing this. I feel good about myself, i feel more energized and it's just a good feeling to have. and i love it. I'm ready to make this change! i feel like i need to make this change, for myself. It's a challenge and i know it's going to get tough at times, but i believe in myself and i know i can do it!!! losing 40 pounds is my goal. so far i've lost 3...it may seem like a small amount..but hey it's a start and those 3 pounds are now off my body. and i'm happy:) i'll keep an update every once in a while....
thats all :)
thats all :)
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
God is at it again!! : )
it's been a long time since i have blogged...i don't have wifi at my house and our home computer is verrrrry slow and i hate using it. so i never do. But I'm house/dog sitting this week and thankfully they have wifi..so now I'm going to blog : )
It's so amazing how God works. & lately, i just feel like God has been working in my heart like crazy! i have realized so many things in the past few weeks. I never thought a radio station could basically change my life. I have been listening to a station called KLOVE. Its a christian station, and i never really heard of it until I was driving home from school one day and was looking for a good radio station to listen to. & it stopped on KLOVE. & ever since then i don't think i have listened to any other station. It's soooooo good! & i absolutely love listening to it. It honestly helps me get through my day, no matter what kind of day I'm having. I've been in a big slump lately-struggling with so many different things. & they are things that are WAY out of my control. But i can't stand the thought of feeling like I'm not in control. & i felt like my life was going downhill at a fast speed. But every time i get in my car and listen to KLOVE I'm reminded that God is in control. & if i put my faith in him, he will get me through the hard times. Also, people call in all the time and share their stories about how God has been working in them. A few Weeks ago i heard a story about a woman named Shay Kelly who started a project called "project 50/50. She is in the process of traveling to 50 states in 50 weeks and is collecting non-perishable items for the homeless. She starts with the states capital and then goes to surrounding cities...If you wanna read more about it, go to www.ShayKelly.com < it's truly inspiring! & hearing that made me so overwhelmed by God. I want to do something big with my life. Something that doesn't help me, but it helps others. I wanna spread the love of Jesus Christ throughout the world. I WANNA MAKE A DIFFERENCE!! & I'm sooo determined! I have always had a place in my heart for Haiti, My freshman year of high school, i felt like God was calling me to be a missionary in Haiti, and meeting with different missionaries from Haiti at the Camp i worked for last summer (Rainbow Christian Camp) made me feel like God is truly calling me to do something in Haiti, it may not be becoming a full time missionary, but i know I'm meant to do something there & help make a difference. Listening and reading to what Shay is doing made me realize that i could do something like that. I would love to do what she is doing, only instead of collecting non-perishable items, i would love to collect peanut butter. Peanut Butter? < i know why would i collect peanut butter....well I believe with every tablespoon (not sure on the measurement) but something like that) of peanut butter a child in Haiti is nourished. That is one of the main problems in Haiti, is malnourishment. & something as simple as peanut butter can help bring them out of that. I just can't even imagine how much peanut butter i could collect within a year and how many children it will help! I'm so determined to do something like this it's unreal. it literally brings tears to my eyes when i think about this. God is working guys. & it feels INCREDIBLE!!!! I just need prayer and support- I WANNA DO THIS! i just don't even know where to begin. It will take a lot of work, but it's totally worth it in the end. That's all for now : )
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.--Jeremiah 29:11
It's so amazing how God works. & lately, i just feel like God has been working in my heart like crazy! i have realized so many things in the past few weeks. I never thought a radio station could basically change my life. I have been listening to a station called KLOVE. Its a christian station, and i never really heard of it until I was driving home from school one day and was looking for a good radio station to listen to. & it stopped on KLOVE. & ever since then i don't think i have listened to any other station. It's soooooo good! & i absolutely love listening to it. It honestly helps me get through my day, no matter what kind of day I'm having. I've been in a big slump lately-struggling with so many different things. & they are things that are WAY out of my control. But i can't stand the thought of feeling like I'm not in control. & i felt like my life was going downhill at a fast speed. But every time i get in my car and listen to KLOVE I'm reminded that God is in control. & if i put my faith in him, he will get me through the hard times. Also, people call in all the time and share their stories about how God has been working in them. A few Weeks ago i heard a story about a woman named Shay Kelly who started a project called "project 50/50. She is in the process of traveling to 50 states in 50 weeks and is collecting non-perishable items for the homeless. She starts with the states capital and then goes to surrounding cities...If you wanna read more about it, go to www.ShayKelly.com < it's truly inspiring! & hearing that made me so overwhelmed by God. I want to do something big with my life. Something that doesn't help me, but it helps others. I wanna spread the love of Jesus Christ throughout the world. I WANNA MAKE A DIFFERENCE!! & I'm sooo determined! I have always had a place in my heart for Haiti, My freshman year of high school, i felt like God was calling me to be a missionary in Haiti, and meeting with different missionaries from Haiti at the Camp i worked for last summer (Rainbow Christian Camp) made me feel like God is truly calling me to do something in Haiti, it may not be becoming a full time missionary, but i know I'm meant to do something there & help make a difference. Listening and reading to what Shay is doing made me realize that i could do something like that. I would love to do what she is doing, only instead of collecting non-perishable items, i would love to collect peanut butter. Peanut Butter? < i know why would i collect peanut butter....well I believe with every tablespoon (not sure on the measurement) but something like that) of peanut butter a child in Haiti is nourished. That is one of the main problems in Haiti, is malnourishment. & something as simple as peanut butter can help bring them out of that. I just can't even imagine how much peanut butter i could collect within a year and how many children it will help! I'm so determined to do something like this it's unreal. it literally brings tears to my eyes when i think about this. God is working guys. & it feels INCREDIBLE!!!! I just need prayer and support- I WANNA DO THIS! i just don't even know where to begin. It will take a lot of work, but it's totally worth it in the end. That's all for now : )
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.--Jeremiah 29:11
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
song that is like the story of how i'm feeling lately.
oh heartbreak is such a sucky thing! lol especially when every song you hear reminds you of that person..
Colbie Caillat: I Never Told you
I miss those blue eyes
How you kissed me at night
I miss the way we see
Like there's no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe
But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
About you
I can't believe I still want you
After all the things we've
Been through
I miss everything about you
Without you
I see your blue eyes
Every time I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to when I'm not
Around you
It's like I'm gone with me
But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
About you
I can't believe I still want
You
After all the things we've
Been through
I miss everything about you
Without you
But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
About you
(still you're gone)
Can't believe that I still want
You
After all the things we've
Been through
I miss everything about you
Without you
took the words right out of my mouth! lol
<3
Colbie Caillat: I Never Told you
I miss those blue eyes
How you kissed me at night
I miss the way we see
Like there's no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe
But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
About you
I can't believe I still want you
After all the things we've
Been through
I miss everything about you
Without you
I see your blue eyes
Every time I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to when I'm not
Around you
It's like I'm gone with me
But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
About you
I can't believe I still want
You
After all the things we've
Been through
I miss everything about you
Without you
But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
About you
(still you're gone)
Can't believe that I still want
You
After all the things we've
Been through
I miss everything about you
Without you
took the words right out of my mouth! lol
<3
Sunday, May 9, 2010
walls..
it seems like these day's my walls are just getting stronger and stronger.& it's getting harder and harder for me to knock them down.& i'm starting to cut myself off from people. Pushing people away because i don't want to get hurt. I just don't feel like i can handle it anymore. I don't want to push people away. But i feel like thats the only thing I can do. I'm feel like i'm losing contact with a lot of people. People who i've gained good friendships with. & idk i feel like i'm in some sort of depression state, even though i'm really happy! I'm always happy. I hate that i'm doing this. & i've realized it. I just don't know how to fix it. Or gain trust for some of the people who i've been talking to a lot. Why is it so hard for me break these darn walls down? It's a problem i've been struggling with for months now. I need advice? maybe? i don't know. eh. it's whatever, i'll get over it. I just need to start over.
Finals week has finally approached.someone shoot me. So much studying! So much packing. & WAY TO MANY goodbyes....
This week has also made me realize that things can happen when you least expect it. Thursday morning i got a text from max telling me that he has been involved in a bad accident. (yes i know not the greastest of ways to be told)An old man who was about 80 and probably shoudln't of been driving in the first place, ran a stop sign and ran right into max. I was heart broken.Everyone who knows me knows that max and I are extremely close, i mean hello he is my twin. So immeditaly i freaked out. He was crying, I was crying, Mom was crying. It was just a hard thing to have to hear that someone you love and car about just got in an accident. Thankfully he was okay. He had to get x-rays just to make sure nothing was broken or anything like that. An thank the good Lord he was fine. The police officers said that if the driver had hit just a little further over closer to max then he would of been seriously injured, or maybe even dead. It's hard to think that he was so close to being close to a bad injury..or even worse being dead. I can't even imagine. God was definatly with him that day.
You can't really see how bad it is in this picture...but his back windshield got knocked out as well..and max was actually traveling the opposite way..The guy hit him so hard he spun around and was facing the opposite direction of what he was going.
anyways;
thats all for now
<3
Finals week has finally approached.someone shoot me. So much studying! So much packing. & WAY TO MANY goodbyes....
This week has also made me realize that things can happen when you least expect it. Thursday morning i got a text from max telling me that he has been involved in a bad accident. (yes i know not the greastest of ways to be told)An old man who was about 80 and probably shoudln't of been driving in the first place, ran a stop sign and ran right into max. I was heart broken.Everyone who knows me knows that max and I are extremely close, i mean hello he is my twin. So immeditaly i freaked out. He was crying, I was crying, Mom was crying. It was just a hard thing to have to hear that someone you love and car about just got in an accident. Thankfully he was okay. He had to get x-rays just to make sure nothing was broken or anything like that. An thank the good Lord he was fine. The police officers said that if the driver had hit just a little further over closer to max then he would of been seriously injured, or maybe even dead. It's hard to think that he was so close to being close to a bad injury..or even worse being dead. I can't even imagine. God was definatly with him that day.
You can't really see how bad it is in this picture...but his back windshield got knocked out as well..and max was actually traveling the opposite way..The guy hit him so hard he spun around and was facing the opposite direction of what he was going.
anyways;
thats all for now
<3
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