oh heartbreak is such a sucky thing! lol especially when every song you hear reminds you of that person..
Colbie Caillat: I Never Told you
I miss those blue eyes
How you kissed me at night
I miss the way we see
Like there's no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe
But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
About you
I can't believe I still want you
After all the things we've
Been through
I miss everything about you
Without you
I see your blue eyes
Every time I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to when I'm not
Around you
It's like I'm gone with me
But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
About you
I can't believe I still want
You
After all the things we've
Been through
I miss everything about you
Without you
But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
About you
(still you're gone)
Can't believe that I still want
You
After all the things we've
Been through
I miss everything about you
Without you
took the words right out of my mouth! lol
<3
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
walls..
it seems like these day's my walls are just getting stronger and stronger.& it's getting harder and harder for me to knock them down.& i'm starting to cut myself off from people. Pushing people away because i don't want to get hurt. I just don't feel like i can handle it anymore. I don't want to push people away. But i feel like thats the only thing I can do. I'm feel like i'm losing contact with a lot of people. People who i've gained good friendships with. & idk i feel like i'm in some sort of depression state, even though i'm really happy! I'm always happy. I hate that i'm doing this. & i've realized it. I just don't know how to fix it. Or gain trust for some of the people who i've been talking to a lot. Why is it so hard for me break these darn walls down? It's a problem i've been struggling with for months now. I need advice? maybe? i don't know. eh. it's whatever, i'll get over it. I just need to start over.
Finals week has finally approached.someone shoot me. So much studying! So much packing. & WAY TO MANY goodbyes....
This week has also made me realize that things can happen when you least expect it. Thursday morning i got a text from max telling me that he has been involved in a bad accident. (yes i know not the greastest of ways to be told)An old man who was about 80 and probably shoudln't of been driving in the first place, ran a stop sign and ran right into max. I was heart broken.Everyone who knows me knows that max and I are extremely close, i mean hello he is my twin. So immeditaly i freaked out. He was crying, I was crying, Mom was crying. It was just a hard thing to have to hear that someone you love and car about just got in an accident. Thankfully he was okay. He had to get x-rays just to make sure nothing was broken or anything like that. An thank the good Lord he was fine. The police officers said that if the driver had hit just a little further over closer to max then he would of been seriously injured, or maybe even dead. It's hard to think that he was so close to being close to a bad injury..or even worse being dead. I can't even imagine. God was definatly with him that day.
You can't really see how bad it is in this picture...but his back windshield got knocked out as well..and max was actually traveling the opposite way..The guy hit him so hard he spun around and was facing the opposite direction of what he was going.
anyways;
thats all for now
<3
Finals week has finally approached.someone shoot me. So much studying! So much packing. & WAY TO MANY goodbyes....
This week has also made me realize that things can happen when you least expect it. Thursday morning i got a text from max telling me that he has been involved in a bad accident. (yes i know not the greastest of ways to be told)An old man who was about 80 and probably shoudln't of been driving in the first place, ran a stop sign and ran right into max. I was heart broken.Everyone who knows me knows that max and I are extremely close, i mean hello he is my twin. So immeditaly i freaked out. He was crying, I was crying, Mom was crying. It was just a hard thing to have to hear that someone you love and car about just got in an accident. Thankfully he was okay. He had to get x-rays just to make sure nothing was broken or anything like that. An thank the good Lord he was fine. The police officers said that if the driver had hit just a little further over closer to max then he would of been seriously injured, or maybe even dead. It's hard to think that he was so close to being close to a bad injury..or even worse being dead. I can't even imagine. God was definatly with him that day.
You can't really see how bad it is in this picture...but his back windshield got knocked out as well..and max was actually traveling the opposite way..The guy hit him so hard he spun around and was facing the opposite direction of what he was going.
anyways;
thats all for now
<3
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
it's been a while.
I haven't blogged in a LONG time! wow, sorry..lol a lot has happened since my last blog so let me explain what all has gone on in a nutshell...
So i finally got to visit Johnson!!! i loved it. i loved seeing old friends that i hadn't seen in a long time, and meeting new people. I had an absolute blast!I could see myself going to school there....Unfortunately, even though i feel like that may be the school for me. I need to be brought back to reality. I feel like i would be dumb if i didn't go to a school in Indiana, i mean a full ride scholarship to any public school in the state..why wouldn't i throw that all away? As much as i want a christian environment, i have to realize in the long run what going to a Private Christan school would actually do...PUT ME IN SERIOUS DEBT! which is something I'm already in, just from going to Huntington for a year..i really don't want to keep adding to that price. Also, after driving there and back it made me realize how far away it actually is from home. I don't know if i can be that far away from my family and friends....I know i'll get homesick..and i know that's something i need to learn to get over...but i don't know if i will be able to handle it. Also, not alot of my credits will transfer over :/ i don't want this whole year to go to waste and not have credits transfer, i've worked too hard for them to not even count :/
UGH DECISION'S!! what i'm thinking right now is i'm just going to go to IVY tech for a year, figure out what it is I really want to do with my life, and give me some time to figure out what school i want to go to. And really seek out what God's plan is for me. I would appreciate prayer from anyone who reads this....It's not an easy situation to be in. & it's very stressful.
School is SLOWLY coming to a close! i'm ready for summer! I'm ready for those late nights out, bonfires, smoking cigars on Ben's porch :) and late night drives. This is the first summer where i'm actually going to be spending at home, without having much to do. I'm not really looking forward to the nothing to do part. But Freshman-Senior year of high school my summers consisted of 9am-5pm practices..and by the time i got home i was exhausted!! & this summer after my senior year i work at Rainbow Christian Camp :) which I loved!! & wish i could work there again this summer, but I'm taking classes over the summer, so i can't :/ but seriously this is my first Summer to just relax..idk if i'm going to like it or not...but it should be fun. I'm just ready for it to be here already!!
One thing that is really starting to aggravate me, is people who seem to take life for granite(idk if i spelled that right) these days. I don't understand why people think that their life is a living hell basically. Constant complaining, and talking about how bad things are. I understand that people have it rough, and i totally understand that some situations are tough to deal with. But when it become and everyday occurrence where you just complain about all the bad stuff, it sometimes gets frustrating. People don't realize how good of a life they actually have. I mean at least you have a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and food on the table. There are so many people in this world who aren't as lucky as we are to have simple things like that.I hope this doesn't make me sound like a bad person, i mean if someone has a problem i'm more than happy to help them with it, i don't mean to come off as a "bitch" or anything. I mean sometimes you just have to vent and complain. I do it, and i know others do to. It just aggravates me when people can't stay positive about situations that aren't really that big of a deal. Wow i feel like this paragraph is one big confusion. I hope you all can understand the point i'm trying to make here.
Anyways;
this blog entry is getting long, so i'm going to just leave it at that :)
So i finally got to visit Johnson!!! i loved it. i loved seeing old friends that i hadn't seen in a long time, and meeting new people. I had an absolute blast!I could see myself going to school there....Unfortunately, even though i feel like that may be the school for me. I need to be brought back to reality. I feel like i would be dumb if i didn't go to a school in Indiana, i mean a full ride scholarship to any public school in the state..why wouldn't i throw that all away? As much as i want a christian environment, i have to realize in the long run what going to a Private Christan school would actually do...PUT ME IN SERIOUS DEBT! which is something I'm already in, just from going to Huntington for a year..i really don't want to keep adding to that price. Also, after driving there and back it made me realize how far away it actually is from home. I don't know if i can be that far away from my family and friends....I know i'll get homesick..and i know that's something i need to learn to get over...but i don't know if i will be able to handle it. Also, not alot of my credits will transfer over :/ i don't want this whole year to go to waste and not have credits transfer, i've worked too hard for them to not even count :/
UGH DECISION'S!! what i'm thinking right now is i'm just going to go to IVY tech for a year, figure out what it is I really want to do with my life, and give me some time to figure out what school i want to go to. And really seek out what God's plan is for me. I would appreciate prayer from anyone who reads this....It's not an easy situation to be in. & it's very stressful.
School is SLOWLY coming to a close! i'm ready for summer! I'm ready for those late nights out, bonfires, smoking cigars on Ben's porch :) and late night drives. This is the first summer where i'm actually going to be spending at home, without having much to do. I'm not really looking forward to the nothing to do part. But Freshman-Senior year of high school my summers consisted of 9am-5pm practices..and by the time i got home i was exhausted!! & this summer after my senior year i work at Rainbow Christian Camp :) which I loved!! & wish i could work there again this summer, but I'm taking classes over the summer, so i can't :/ but seriously this is my first Summer to just relax..idk if i'm going to like it or not...but it should be fun. I'm just ready for it to be here already!!
One thing that is really starting to aggravate me, is people who seem to take life for granite(idk if i spelled that right) these days. I don't understand why people think that their life is a living hell basically. Constant complaining, and talking about how bad things are. I understand that people have it rough, and i totally understand that some situations are tough to deal with. But when it become and everyday occurrence where you just complain about all the bad stuff, it sometimes gets frustrating. People don't realize how good of a life they actually have. I mean at least you have a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and food on the table. There are so many people in this world who aren't as lucky as we are to have simple things like that.I hope this doesn't make me sound like a bad person, i mean if someone has a problem i'm more than happy to help them with it, i don't mean to come off as a "bitch" or anything. I mean sometimes you just have to vent and complain. I do it, and i know others do to. It just aggravates me when people can't stay positive about situations that aren't really that big of a deal. Wow i feel like this paragraph is one big confusion. I hope you all can understand the point i'm trying to make here.
Anyways;
this blog entry is getting long, so i'm going to just leave it at that :)
Friday, April 9, 2010
Hardy Basement!
I LOVE MY HARDY BASEBMENT GIRLS!!!
This picture above me makes me smile :)
but also has made me sad. I've been trying not to think about how saying goodbye to everyone at the end of the year is going to be hard. But the other night we threw a birthday party for Kaitlyn and Lauren, and all of us girls were just in there laughing and having such a good time. But after it was all over i sat in my room, and realized just how much i'm going to miss having these kinds of nights. These girls are all wonderful. & it's finally hitting me that maybe i'm not ready to say goodbye....only 4 weeks left.
the 2 girls that i haven't gotten really close with on the basement floor is Noelle and Kaitlyn :) These girls are my rock! I love them to death. We get crazy! & i can actually be my true self around them. and they won't judge me, they will just laugh! & it makes me happy! lol
see i told you, we get crazy! lol
Saying goodbye to these 2 is probably going to be the most difficult goodbye. They have been so wonderful. And have both become more like sisters to me. And i'm so thankful that God has blessed me with them. Even though i have to say goodbye, there is no doubt in my mind that i won't see these girls again. We are too close to not get together again in the near future!! I love you Noelle and Kaitlyn! Thank you for everything!
Anyways;
A week from today i will be visiting Johnson! Pray for me guys! i need it. I'm feeling so overwhelmed and stressed on what i need to do. It's kind of a big decision. And i've been stressing myself out about it for almost a month now. And it's kind of aggivating. I'm just trying to stay strong. But that is getting more and more difficult as well, i'm just ready for this all the be over and done with!!
anyways;
thats all for now
goodnight :)
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Confusions
I feel like so many people these day's have lost sense in direction in life, and where they are supposed to go. They are so lost in finding themself. It really does just break my heart. Because it's happening to the people i care most about. I just wish there was something i could do to help them find their way. It kills me to see people struggle so much in finding out where they need to go from here. Or where God is calling them. I know God has a way of totally rocking people's worlds. An sometimes it's hard to get back up on your feet. I just pray that these people turn to God for guidance, and they don't turn their back on him. Because as i have realized i can only do so much. I can only talk to them so many times, and give them only so much adive. There comes a time when they have to realize that sometimes God is the only one who can help them get through the rough times, and if you turn your back on him, your going to be even more lost. & I've realized that all I can do is just pray. Pray that God will lead them. & pray that they will listen to his calling.
I was over at Max's house today, and he was using my computer to burn a CD. & one song that he put on there was a song off of Thousand Foot Krutches newest album. An the song is called Wish You Well....When he played that song it just kind of blew my mind...and kind of helped me realize things. So here are the lyrics..and i hope you guys listen to the song as well;
Sometimes love, feels like pain, and sometimes I wonder if it's all the same, sometimes life, feels just like rain, cause you never know, when it's gonna
fall down on you
I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself
Sometimes faith, feels like doubt, and sometimes I wonder if we'll even get out, sometimes life hurts just like now, but ya gotta know, it's all gonna
come back around
I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself
find yourself,
I can't help you find yourself,
find yourself..
and we were sixteen at the time, nothing could ever change our minds, we were one step below invincible, and we always fought it, you've never been the
same, you were so scared to make a name, then you threw it all away, and i wish you'd come back now.
I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself, I wish you well,
I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find you
I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself
find yourself,
I can't help you find yourself,
find yourself,
I can't help you find yourself...
Anyways;
Whenever there is a time in your life where you have to make a big decison. The advice that almost everyone will give you is, "Do what makes YOU happy" or "Do what YOU want to do" "It's YOUR life, it's YOUR decison" I feel like i'm at a crossroad. I want to do what makes me happy. But I want everyone to support me. One thing i hate to do is upset people. My delima for the past couple of months have been what school to go to next year. & what I WANT is to go to Johnson. I've made that pretty clear in some of my past post's. Thats where i feel like i need to be. And i feel like that is the direction that God is calling me. But of course the Big issue is always Money. it's ALWAYS money money money! Huntingotn like i have said in the past is expensive, Johnson cuts the price in half. SO Johnson is definately a better choice money wise. But I will still have quite a bit of student loans. Which is not good. If I were to go to a public school i would totally be paid for. No student loans to worry about. I don't want to go to a public school. To be honest it scares me to death. I'm so much more comfortable in the christian environment. It's a big decison i have to make. Go for what i'm comfortable with, and what I WANT to do. Or go in the direction that others want me to take because it will be better financially? & push me to step out of my comfort zone? I just don't know. & it's stressful! VERY stressful!
thats all for now
Butler's playing!!! : )
I was over at Max's house today, and he was using my computer to burn a CD. & one song that he put on there was a song off of Thousand Foot Krutches newest album. An the song is called Wish You Well....When he played that song it just kind of blew my mind...and kind of helped me realize things. So here are the lyrics..and i hope you guys listen to the song as well;
Sometimes love, feels like pain, and sometimes I wonder if it's all the same, sometimes life, feels just like rain, cause you never know, when it's gonna
fall down on you
I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself
Sometimes faith, feels like doubt, and sometimes I wonder if we'll even get out, sometimes life hurts just like now, but ya gotta know, it's all gonna
come back around
I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself
find yourself,
I can't help you find yourself,
find yourself..
and we were sixteen at the time, nothing could ever change our minds, we were one step below invincible, and we always fought it, you've never been the
same, you were so scared to make a name, then you threw it all away, and i wish you'd come back now.
I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself, I wish you well,
I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find you
I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself
find yourself,
I can't help you find yourself,
find yourself,
I can't help you find yourself...
Anyways;
Whenever there is a time in your life where you have to make a big decison. The advice that almost everyone will give you is, "Do what makes YOU happy" or "Do what YOU want to do" "It's YOUR life, it's YOUR decison" I feel like i'm at a crossroad. I want to do what makes me happy. But I want everyone to support me. One thing i hate to do is upset people. My delima for the past couple of months have been what school to go to next year. & what I WANT is to go to Johnson. I've made that pretty clear in some of my past post's. Thats where i feel like i need to be. And i feel like that is the direction that God is calling me. But of course the Big issue is always Money. it's ALWAYS money money money! Huntingotn like i have said in the past is expensive, Johnson cuts the price in half. SO Johnson is definately a better choice money wise. But I will still have quite a bit of student loans. Which is not good. If I were to go to a public school i would totally be paid for. No student loans to worry about. I don't want to go to a public school. To be honest it scares me to death. I'm so much more comfortable in the christian environment. It's a big decison i have to make. Go for what i'm comfortable with, and what I WANT to do. Or go in the direction that others want me to take because it will be better financially? & push me to step out of my comfort zone? I just don't know. & it's stressful! VERY stressful!
thats all for now
Butler's playing!!! : )
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Todays post is dedicated to......
MY TWIN :)
this boy is my best friend. my other half. my "womb dawg" haha! Everyone always asks me if i love being a twin. And my answer is always yes. I love it! Now of course we have our moment. But I have never once said i wish i didn't have a twin. I love sharing the light with him :) We are so much alike it's not even funny. We act like complete idiots...pretty much all the time. But i love how we are so comfortable around eachother. & we have always had the same friends. So we have always hung out in the same group of people. It's been really hard and weird being here at school without him. I hate it to be honest. I think one of the reasons why the transisition into college was so hard for me was because i didnt have him here with me. It's sucks. I feel like sometimes people here don't understand my craziness. But i knew if he was here with me he'd totally get it and be right there with me acting just as dumb. I miss the hell outta him when he isn't here. But i love going home and seeing him and getting the biggest hug in the world from him. He seriously is my best friend. We tell eachother pretty much anything. And if i ever need anything he is right there for me. One of my recent moments that just made me realize just how much he really does care for me was in early February. I was stayiing over at his house. And he walked by the room i was in and saw me laying on my bed just bawling my eyes out because i had just gotten my heart broken..like hardcore...and Max just came in there and laid down next to me and just told me everything was going to be alright. and he just let me cry. He's such a good man. And a wonderful person. The bond we have is something that i don't think very many siblings can say that they have. I love this kid to death. We have so many inside jokes together. and i can seriously go on and on and on about all the reason why i love being a twin and why i love max. I don't know where i would be with out him. I strongly believe that i am the person i am today because of him :) I love you bubba!
oh and did i mention we have incredible dance moves???
ignore the singing hahahahahahaha i was outta breath!!
Monday, March 29, 2010
well, i've been in bed pretty much all day, minus getting up and going to class. But thankfully i only had 3. Strep Throat just.....sucks! but it's whatever. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
But being in bed gave me too much time to think. I haven't really had a day to just sit and think since the end of January. And i stayed busy for a reason. An then today. I got the chance to just think. lets just say....not the best thing.....Feelings & Problems that i thought i had moved on from. All came back to the surface today....Finally made me realize that i've been putting it in the back of my head and not really working on getting over stuff. Ya know just convincing myself i'm fine and it's over.....it's far from over.... AHHHH why do i do this to myself? I'm just being dumb. & it's my own fault for just laying in bed all day...(not my fault for getting sick thought lol ;) )
God will get me through this........*this too shall pass*
Anyways;
enough depressing/lame thoughts....how about something happy??
hmmmm......
I love Cierra & Noelley :)
thats a happy thought.
those are the 2 girls that are keeping me sane in this place! They are the 2 who are here for me no matter what. Sooooooo lucky to have them in my life!! i love you girls!! :)
goodnight.
But being in bed gave me too much time to think. I haven't really had a day to just sit and think since the end of January. And i stayed busy for a reason. An then today. I got the chance to just think. lets just say....not the best thing.....Feelings & Problems that i thought i had moved on from. All came back to the surface today....Finally made me realize that i've been putting it in the back of my head and not really working on getting over stuff. Ya know just convincing myself i'm fine and it's over.....it's far from over.... AHHHH why do i do this to myself? I'm just being dumb. & it's my own fault for just laying in bed all day...(not my fault for getting sick thought lol ;) )
God will get me through this........*this too shall pass*
Anyways;
enough depressing/lame thoughts....how about something happy??
hmmmm......
I love Cierra & Noelley :)
thats a happy thought.
those are the 2 girls that are keeping me sane in this place! They are the 2 who are here for me no matter what. Sooooooo lucky to have them in my life!! i love you girls!! :)
goodnight.
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