To be quite blunt, i have almost ALWAYS hated my body. I can't even begin to think of a time where i have actually been content with the way I look. Which honestly is very frustrating. I wake up every morning and I just point out all the negative things that I wish i could change. And then it just obviously makes me feel awful about myself, and doesn't motivate me to do anything. Which is my problem. I finally reached my breaking point and had a complete meltdown to my mom, which made me feel like a little kid again lol. But it honestly felt good to just let all my frustration and anger. It was a simple thing that set me off. I was trying to find something to wear to go to a wedding. It seemed like everything i tried on made me look fat, or i would find something i didn't like about it. I had thrown all my clothes out of my drawers and there were clothes EVERYWHERE. I honesetly think i tried on every piece of clothing i owned. And finally my mom walked in and asked if i was ready...And then the meltdown came. I have only talked to a few people about the negaitve feelings I have towards myself. But lately i just have kept it all bottled up inside. And that day it all came out. And i felt like somethiing just clicked and told me I needed to make some permanent lifestyle changes. First off I needed to be able to stand in front of a full mirror again, and pick out positive things instead of negative. God made me the way I am for a reason, i am beautiful inside and out, even if i may not be able to see it. I know I am. I am made in God's image, and I need to be happy with that. Secondly, i have started to eat healthier and workout...which is something i have needed to do for a while now. It's been easier for me to do this when i'm not at home. I am housesitting a lot this summer. I grocery shop for myself sometimes (depending on who i'm housesitting) & i try to buy all healthy things. Whereas when i'm at home it's not as easy, yes my parents do buy healthy things, but I live with 3 other boys who eat the crap out of everything. So by the time i'm actually hungry and want to eat...it's all gone..ha. But anyways. I also started going to Zumba, which i am IN LOVE with!! it's fun and you get a workout, that is 3 times a week, and the days that i'm not going to Zumba i am doing my own workout. And it amazes me how much better i feel about myself while doing this. I feel good about myself, i feel more energized and it's just a good feeling to have. and i love it. I'm ready to make this change! i feel like i need to make this change, for myself. It's a challenge and i know it's going to get tough at times, but i believe in myself and i know i can do it!!! losing 40 pounds is my goal. so far i've lost 3...it may seem like a small amount..but hey it's a start and those 3 pounds are now off my body. and i'm happy:) i'll keep an update every once in a while....
thats all :)
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
God is at it again!! : )
it's been a long time since i have blogged...i don't have wifi at my house and our home computer is verrrrry slow and i hate using it. so i never do. But I'm house/dog sitting this week and thankfully they have wifi..so now I'm going to blog : )
It's so amazing how God works. & lately, i just feel like God has been working in my heart like crazy! i have realized so many things in the past few weeks. I never thought a radio station could basically change my life. I have been listening to a station called KLOVE. Its a christian station, and i never really heard of it until I was driving home from school one day and was looking for a good radio station to listen to. & it stopped on KLOVE. & ever since then i don't think i have listened to any other station. It's soooooo good! & i absolutely love listening to it. It honestly helps me get through my day, no matter what kind of day I'm having. I've been in a big slump lately-struggling with so many different things. & they are things that are WAY out of my control. But i can't stand the thought of feeling like I'm not in control. & i felt like my life was going downhill at a fast speed. But every time i get in my car and listen to KLOVE I'm reminded that God is in control. & if i put my faith in him, he will get me through the hard times. Also, people call in all the time and share their stories about how God has been working in them. A few Weeks ago i heard a story about a woman named Shay Kelly who started a project called "project 50/50. She is in the process of traveling to 50 states in 50 weeks and is collecting non-perishable items for the homeless. She starts with the states capital and then goes to surrounding cities...If you wanna read more about it, go to www.ShayKelly.com < it's truly inspiring! & hearing that made me so overwhelmed by God. I want to do something big with my life. Something that doesn't help me, but it helps others. I wanna spread the love of Jesus Christ throughout the world. I WANNA MAKE A DIFFERENCE!! & I'm sooo determined! I have always had a place in my heart for Haiti, My freshman year of high school, i felt like God was calling me to be a missionary in Haiti, and meeting with different missionaries from Haiti at the Camp i worked for last summer (Rainbow Christian Camp) made me feel like God is truly calling me to do something in Haiti, it may not be becoming a full time missionary, but i know I'm meant to do something there & help make a difference. Listening and reading to what Shay is doing made me realize that i could do something like that. I would love to do what she is doing, only instead of collecting non-perishable items, i would love to collect peanut butter. Peanut Butter? < i know why would i collect peanut butter....well I believe with every tablespoon (not sure on the measurement) but something like that) of peanut butter a child in Haiti is nourished. That is one of the main problems in Haiti, is malnourishment. & something as simple as peanut butter can help bring them out of that. I just can't even imagine how much peanut butter i could collect within a year and how many children it will help! I'm so determined to do something like this it's unreal. it literally brings tears to my eyes when i think about this. God is working guys. & it feels INCREDIBLE!!!! I just need prayer and support- I WANNA DO THIS! i just don't even know where to begin. It will take a lot of work, but it's totally worth it in the end. That's all for now : )
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.--Jeremiah 29:11
It's so amazing how God works. & lately, i just feel like God has been working in my heart like crazy! i have realized so many things in the past few weeks. I never thought a radio station could basically change my life. I have been listening to a station called KLOVE. Its a christian station, and i never really heard of it until I was driving home from school one day and was looking for a good radio station to listen to. & it stopped on KLOVE. & ever since then i don't think i have listened to any other station. It's soooooo good! & i absolutely love listening to it. It honestly helps me get through my day, no matter what kind of day I'm having. I've been in a big slump lately-struggling with so many different things. & they are things that are WAY out of my control. But i can't stand the thought of feeling like I'm not in control. & i felt like my life was going downhill at a fast speed. But every time i get in my car and listen to KLOVE I'm reminded that God is in control. & if i put my faith in him, he will get me through the hard times. Also, people call in all the time and share their stories about how God has been working in them. A few Weeks ago i heard a story about a woman named Shay Kelly who started a project called "project 50/50. She is in the process of traveling to 50 states in 50 weeks and is collecting non-perishable items for the homeless. She starts with the states capital and then goes to surrounding cities...If you wanna read more about it, go to www.ShayKelly.com < it's truly inspiring! & hearing that made me so overwhelmed by God. I want to do something big with my life. Something that doesn't help me, but it helps others. I wanna spread the love of Jesus Christ throughout the world. I WANNA MAKE A DIFFERENCE!! & I'm sooo determined! I have always had a place in my heart for Haiti, My freshman year of high school, i felt like God was calling me to be a missionary in Haiti, and meeting with different missionaries from Haiti at the Camp i worked for last summer (Rainbow Christian Camp) made me feel like God is truly calling me to do something in Haiti, it may not be becoming a full time missionary, but i know I'm meant to do something there & help make a difference. Listening and reading to what Shay is doing made me realize that i could do something like that. I would love to do what she is doing, only instead of collecting non-perishable items, i would love to collect peanut butter. Peanut Butter? < i know why would i collect peanut butter....well I believe with every tablespoon (not sure on the measurement) but something like that) of peanut butter a child in Haiti is nourished. That is one of the main problems in Haiti, is malnourishment. & something as simple as peanut butter can help bring them out of that. I just can't even imagine how much peanut butter i could collect within a year and how many children it will help! I'm so determined to do something like this it's unreal. it literally brings tears to my eyes when i think about this. God is working guys. & it feels INCREDIBLE!!!! I just need prayer and support- I WANNA DO THIS! i just don't even know where to begin. It will take a lot of work, but it's totally worth it in the end. That's all for now : )
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.--Jeremiah 29:11
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