Doubt, Doubt, Doubt

I feel like thats all i have been doing lately, is doubting.
& i have no idea why! Its like everything that is going good in my life i'm doubting.

Lets just talk about dating for like .2 seconds. As we all know i'm in a relationship, and a really good one! He is an amazing man, & thinks couldn't be better. But why the doubt? I honestly think i've been hurt so many times in the past, that it's starting to mess with my head. Anyone who knows me, knows that when i get into a relationship, they don't ever really last that long. & i'm always the one to get broken up with and what not...yea embarassing. But i've just put in my mind that it has always been my fauld, i'm always doing something wrong, i'm not good enough, just all those negative things. When in reality, it hasnt always been my fault. But thats hard for me to get through my skull lol. I have no reason to doubt the relationship i'm in now. I've never been happier, and i know that God put him in my life for a reason. I just feel like Satan is trying to get a hold of me..well here is to defeating Satan because i've got news for him. It's not getting to me ANYMORE!!

So what else am i doubting? how about myself? yea thats a big one.
I've recently changed my major. I'm going to try and stick with this one. I'm going to go to school for either nursing, or an xray technition. So many different things went wrong when i was trying to sign up for Ivy Tech. First thing is they are making me re-take EVERYTHING i took at huntington because in order to get into the nursing program i'm going to have to basically get all A's for me pre-requisets. Which is find. i passed all my classes that i would need with an A. But since i'm a transfer student, all of my credits will only transfer over as a C. Why? because it's not fair to the other people who have taken all their nursing pre-requisets at ivy tech.. and because they don't know if I learned everything i needed to know. SERIOUSLY? the pre-requisits are English, Math, Psychology, and Anatomy....really? Come on..how much different is it really going to be? So here i am a sophomore in college, and i feel like a freshman alllll over again. Thats only 1 thing that went wrong...so many other things were going wrong. They told me that out of the 400 students that apply for the nursing program only 30 get accepted..REALLY? Well,let the doubt set it. Am I really smart enough and dedicated to make all A's. I'm never going to make it in to the nursing program so why even try. just different things like that. I don't know why i'm putting myself down like this. It's really irratating and it's starting to effect me in a big way.. I CAN DO THIS! & i need to not only have faith in myself but also put my faith intoFor I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. I need to keep that in my mind. God is going to take care of me, he always does!

Wooh i feel like i just typed a novel.

Got any feedback? :)

BIG decisons and changes...

Well, it's been a few weeks of all kinds of emotions!!! some good, some not so good.


First off, lets just talk about my dad for a minute. If anyone has been having a past couple of weeks it has been him. He went to the dr. and they drained i believe 90 ccs out of his knee of nasty fluid build up. An they said that he needed to go to Physical Therapy. & if that didn't work then he needed to seriously consider knee replacements. So he has gone to physical theraphy twice already, and i've never seen him so sore!! & he is thinking about getting the knee replacement. Also, on top of that. He lost his job. A job that he was absolutly IN LOVE with! I can't go into deatail as to why. But this is heartbreaking for everyone in our family. & it also causes some HUGE problems for us financially. So idk who all reads my blog, but prayers for my dad finding another job soon would be GREATLY appreciated!!

Secondly, earlier this week, i made the decision to not return back to Huntionton University in the fall. It wasn't an easy decison. But it's a decison i felt like i needed to make. So i have a meeting with Ivy Tech next monday to get all signed up for classes. I'm going for nursing and i will have my degree in 2 years. which is good for me because i'm so ready to be done with school and have a career and move on with the rest of my life!!! So thats where i'm at right now with life. & i'm excited to see what God has in store for me.